Jeff Levy, LCSW
Mental Health, Relationships, Trauma, Identity
I was reading an article in the Chicago Tribune about Barry Manilow, his recent public “coming out,” and acknowledgment of his marriage to his partner of 40 years. The article talked about the mixed reactions of the public ranging from support to questions about why Manilow waited so long. What disturbed me most about the article was its implication that coming out means we are finally living authentically. The author writes, about his own coming out: “I felt my mind clear and my stomach quiet. Life was different now. I knew that.” And later he writes “but living my truth in public outweighed all that. I was free to be me at last.”
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Jeff Levy, LCSW (originally posted on Branching Out: The Live Oak Blog, October 2014)
I imagine a record screeching to a halt with that last request. I can hear therapists and intake coordinators around the country struggling with how to best respond. 1/9/2019 0 Comments If You Really Knew MeJeff Levy, LCSW (originally posted on Branching Out: The Live Oak Blog, August 2014) While discussing a case with a colleague, the topic of feeling fraudulent arose. The young woman she was working with was exceptionally bright, attractive, and accomplished, yet still she felt a sense of fraudulence. She believed that if others really knew her, they would “find out,” and once she was found out, she would be rejected and shamed. Logically this made no sense to her, but it felt so deep—so ingrained—that it seemed impossible to believe otherwise.
As we talked more about her client, I became aware of how many people I’ve worked with over the years who have also experienced this sense of fraudulence. From the flutter in my stomach and pressure on my chest, I realized how much the theme of fraudulence has been one I have also managed for most of my life. I know there is a component of feeling fraudulent that has pushed me to work harder and to succeed both personally and professionally. I suspect, however, that there is a heaviness to holding this fraudulence that holds me back; that weighs me down because on some deep level I don’t believe I know what I’m doing. 1/7/2019 0 Comments What Are You?Jeff Levy, LCSW (originally posted on Branching Out: The Live Oak Blog, July 2014) Over the weekend, my partner and I were meeting with a man who was going to do some work on our home. After we talked more specifically about the work, we engaged in some casual conversation. This man shared he is in therapy (before he even knew I was a social worker!) and went on to share that his therapist is Jewish. In the same conversation, he said that when his office manager scheduled his appointment with us, she told him “you know they’re gay?” “I don’t care who they are,” he said he told her. “As long as they pay their bills!” And then he smiled and continued the conversation.
After he left, I looked at my partner, half amused and half incredulous. “What did you think of that?” I asked him. “Eh,” my partner replied, rather nonplussed. As I’ve gotten older and as some things have changed around accepting difference, I tend to be more surprised when someone makes statements like this. In some ways, I have been lulled into a place of comfort. I’m not as vigilant about how others may perceive me. I forget that aspects of who I am may carry judgment. |
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